When Gratitude Feels Hard: A Guide to Finding Steady Ground This Thanksgiving

Written By Kimberly Sheffield

Thanksgiving can bring warmth, connection, and familiar traditions, but for many people, it also stirs up complicated emotions. Maybe you’re navigating strained family relationships, grief, blended-family stress, burnout, or simply the pressure to “feel grateful” when your nervous system is tired and overwhelmed.

If gratitude feels out of reach this year, you are not doing anything wrong. You’re human. And your body’s response makes sense.

Here are a few gentle, realistic therapy-informed practices to help you move through the holiday with more steadiness and self-compassion.

1. Practice “Neutral Awareness” Instead of Forced Gratitude

You don’t have to feel thankful to be doing things right.
A helpful alternative is neutral awareness: noticing what simply is.

  • “My chest feels tight right now.”

  • “I’m sitting at the table with people I love, even if we’re awkward today.”

  • “I’m tired and that’s okay.”

This shifts your nervous system out of pressure and into presence.
From presence, gratitude may come naturally, but it doesn’t have to.

2. Use Micro-Grounding Moments Throughout the Day

Holidays can be overstimulating. Use 10–20 second “micro resets” to regulate your body:

  • Place both feet on the floor and inhale for 4, exhale for 6

  • Press your tongue to the roof of your mouth to signal safety

  • Notice three colors around the room

  • Feel the weight of your body in the chair

These tiny cues help your system shift out of activation and into steadiness.

3. Let Boundaries Be Your Anchor

If you’re spending time with people who activate old wounds or stress responses, you’re allowed to set boundaries:

  • “I’m stepping outside for a few minutes.”

  • “I’d prefer not to talk about that today.”

  • “I’m going to help in the kitchen so I can catch my breath.”

Boundaries aren’t walls. They’re pathways back to regulation.

4. Create a Moment of Gratitude That Feels Real

Skip the generic “I’m grateful for everything” list.
Choose one small, concrete thing that feels genuine:

  • A warm drink

  • A soft blanket

  • A quiet minute before everyone wakes up

  • A child’s laughter

  • The smell of food cooking

Specific gratitude taps into the sensory system, making it easier for your brain to believe.

If nothing feels available, that’s okay too. Some years, survival is something to honor.

5. Offer Yourself the Grace You Give Others

Holiday expectations are heavy.
You deserve the same gentleness you extend to the people you love:

  • If you need space, take it.

  • If you need rest, allow it.

  • If your emotions are mixed, trust them.

Being human on a holiday is not a performance, it’s an experience.

A Final Thought

Thanksgiving doesn’t have to be filled with perfect gratitude to be meaningful. Sometimes the most healing thing we can do is simply stay connected to ourselves: our breath, our body, our truth, our limits.

If this season feels complex for you, you’re not alone. Compassion for yourself.. especially when gratitude feels out of reach, is its own form of healing.

Kimberly Sheffield